I stil don't like him
And I'm feeling worse about him
I think its the way they talk

I'd say its alot of small things combined but I feel really uneasy about something I have for a few days now and it sucks.

I'm really sick of waking up nie on everynight with a nightmare

It's a hard war to fight against your own subconsciousness

And all to often it will take a long time to piece together the fact that it was only that, a nightmare

They arent your usual demons, monster or ghost sort of dreams thats not a nightmare in my opinion and although the dream is frequent it never becomes less frightening

Because in all reality even though I know its impossible dying at the hands of a ghost, demon or monster would be perferred anyday over losing her.

Paranoia/Jelousy

~ He that is not jealous is not in love. ~
St. Augustine

~ Jealousy feeds upon suspicion, and it turns into fury or it ends as soon as we pass from suspicion to certainty ~
François de la Rochefoucauld

~ The paranoiac is the exact image of the ruler. The only difference is their position in the world. One might even think the paranoiac the more impressive of the two because he is sufficient unto himself and cannot be shaken by failure. ~
Elias Canetti

~ Paranoia is the delusion that your enemies are organized. ~
Arthur D. Hlavaty

Blogs

I've got a bad hobby of writing up a blog and then just not posting it on purpose.

I've also got a bad habit of being a complete fucking retard and telling people that I've got a bad hobby of writing up a blog and then just not posting it on purpose even though I know they'll want to read them and I'm just being a meanieface tease.

I've also got a bad habit of forgetting the awesome, unstoppable power kenzie has when it comes to blogger accounts. she could hold me hostage with it if she wanted to.

she won't though. she has better things to do with her time.

<3

Worried

I miss you already

I love you

I hate what that place stands for

I hate it that my most favourite place in the world worries and reminds me of bullshit
I love that place, I always have but it sucks to leave, especially because whenever I do stuff that I can't control goes wrong and that feeling of helplessness sets in and even if nothing does I still have the memories of when it did.

Grrrrrr

I've recently noticed that there's alot of people I hate that I have'nt

even met, And I know hates a strong word but theres no alternative I havent met them to think otherwise all somebody needs to do to get in your books is to do something wrong or suspicious then they're in a rutt they wont climb out of.

Hmmmm

Smiling

You know that feeling when you go over a hill really quickly and you get that tingly feeling in the bottom of you're stomach, I'm feeling that constantly atm

It may be because I recently drank four botlles of budget passionfruit and my bladder has burst and the toxins are killing my brain

Or it may be because I'm enjoying life

Theres no trivial problems

Small issues seem to wash away over night

I have amazing friends

The most perfect and beautiful girlfriend

And alot of budget passionfruit

Let it continue

^/-\^

Today was very fun

Im not cold

But I can't stop shivering

Im the illegitimate offspring of a threesome between paranoia, anger and ugly

I dont know what to think of all that

Pain with a side of guilt

Im sorry

I'm useless

My own fucking problems hurt people other than me

I shouldnt be here

Pain with a side of guilt

Im sorry

I'm useless

My own fucking problems hurt people other than me

I shouldnt be here

Watching, waiting, worrying

I'm insane

What a pity

Time flys by

Four months is a long time

But it really hasn't felt long

In reality it should've been alot longer than four months because of all the intial stuff

People looking over curiously

"Are you guys going out?"

"Na"

lol

We may aswell of been

Waiting for the other to ask

It id eventually happen

And Im so glad ^/-\^

So four months later and we're still together happily (well I am)

I love her

Shes beautiful, amazing and completly perfect and way too good for me

I hope she isn't sick of me . . .

Forgive and forget?

Apologies, Redemption, Jusitification

Does this entirely rid the past from exsistence?

Is it meant to?

Well ofcoarse it doesnt actually if there was a magic wee pill that could make all bad memories go

away that would make apologies easier I'd say better

But they still do help

What ever happened to face to face apologies though?

The genuine eye to eye that makes you feel like you can trust, believe and move on

I guess that died with technology.... which is a shame

It would make it easy to believe.